Embracing Communication – Fostering Clarity and Connection
Back for more? I’m thrilled to reconnect with you!
As our world becomes more entwined with technology, ironically, our connections seem to fray. It has me wondering, are we losing the art of meaningful, assertive communication amid a sea of brief, digital messages? And is this shift subtly influencing our face-to-face interactions, and consequently, our relationships?
How many of us struggle with uncomfortable conversations? How often do we shy away from them, opting for the perceived safety of a screen? But embracing these conversations, and learning to navigate their inherent discomfort, is vital in both our personal and professional lives.
Sometimes, even when we attempt to have an uncomfortable conversation, we may think we’re being open, but we’re subconsciously shielding our true feelings. This self-protection might manifest as criticism, blame, or minimizing our emotions. In avoiding true vulnerability by deflecting, we often find ourselves in escalating defensive exchanges. I’m going to talk about releasing defensiveness in a future post, but for now, let’s keep our focus on why it’s so important to build our communication skills.
On the other hand, if we minimize our emotions, we risk letting resentment build to the point of either detonating our unresolved feelings on another person, or walking away with a long list of unexpressed needs. This cycle can erode our self-trust, self-esteem, and ultimately the relationship we have with ourselves.
Even those of us who consider ourselves effective communicators may unknowingly carry less-than-ideal habits. For some, this might look like keeping our grievances to ourselves. The thing is, we’re evolutionarily programmed to detect threats. It’s a survival instinct, except in today’s world, that threat can look more like a disgruntled friend, partner, or colleague than a hungry sabre-toothed tiger. Imagine a scenario where a friend appears upset but doesn’t share why – maybe they got a ticket on the way to meet you. Without full context, our brains, wired to prioritize safety, tend to fill gaps with a negative bias. This instinct traces back to our ancestors – hundreds of years ago, they would’ve avoided certain berries that resembled ones that previously made them ill – a form of self-protection.
One practice I’ve found helpful in my relationships is openly sharing my emotional state. Expressing to a friend or loved one that my mood isn’t reflective of them can prevent misinterpretations and unnecessary worry. For instance, if I’m having a rough day, I might say, “Hey, I’m not in the best mood, but it’s not about you. I just need a bit of space to process things.” On the flip side, if I sense someone is feeling irritated, I first focus on regulating my own nervous system. Then, I approach them with calm curiosity to understand if everything is okay. The practice of clear, empathetic communication helps in nurturing understanding and trust in relationships.
Non-verbal cues leave too much to our imagination. Our brains, wired for safety, tend to fill in the blanks with a negative story, so we need to intentionally counteract that if we want to create and maintain healthy relationships. It’s not about how much we communicate, it’s about the quality of that communication. Let’s walk the path to refine our communication skills and transform the way we relate to others and ourselves.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
