Embracing Heartache – Moving Through Loss with Compassion and Courage
Hello, Kind Souls,
Heartache is one of those experiences we all encounter but rarely feel prepared for. Whether it’s a romantic breakup, a friendship fading, or the loss of a beloved pet, the ache of letting go can cut deeply.
These moments can leave us feeling tender, raw, and unsure of how to move forward. And once we’ve felt the sting of a painful goodbye, it’s natural to want to shield ourselves from ever feeling it again. Maybe we close ourselves off from opening up and allowing ourselves to really get close to another person. Or perhaps we stay in a relationship longer than we know is healthy, clinging to what feels safe.
I’ve been there. More than once.
But I’m not here to tell you that “time heals all wounds” or that “you’ll be fine.” The truth is, heartache isn’t logical. It pulls at old threads of rejection, unworthiness, and fears of being alone. It’s messy and deeply human.
Some of my hardest endings have left me questioning everything—wondering what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t enough, and if I’d ever find love or connection again. Sometimes I even worried about what other people would think. Reflecting back, the stories I attached to those losses amplified the pain far beyond the reality of the situation.
And while I don’t have a magic solution for getting over heartache, I’ve learned some lessons along the way that can help ease the weight of it. These lessons aren’t about numbing the pain but about navigating it with compassion, curiosity, and care. I hope they offer some light for your journey.
Healing happens in layers: There’s no “right” way to grieve or a timeline you need to follow. Some days will feel lighter, and others will feel unbearably heavy. Healing is a process, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions without judging yourself for where you are.
We’re not just grieving the person—we’re grieving the life we imagined: Heartache is about more than the loss of a person. It’s also about saying goodbye to routines, shared dreams, and the version of yourself you were with them. It’s okay to mourn all of it.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but rushing the process doesn’t help: Allow yourself to feel what’s coming up without rushing through it. Sitting with your emotions is different from sitting in them. Sitting with them means allowing the feelings to move through you, while sitting in them means getting stuck and letting them define you.
It wasn’t time wasted: Endings can bring shame or regret, but every relationship teaches us something. Look back with self-compassion and ask, without judgment: What can I learn about myself? What patterns did I bring to the dynamic?
How can I love myself better through this: Heartache can invite us to nurture the relationship we have with ourselves. What do you need to feel cared for, held, and supported right now? Can you offer some of that to yourself with self-care?
Love isn’t finite: It’s tempting to believe we only have so much love to give, but our capacity for love is infinite. One loss doesn’t diminish your ability to love again.
Missing someone doesn’t mean we belong with them: It’s natural to miss the familiarity of someone, but longing doesn’t always mean it’s right to go back. Missing someone is a sign of care, but it doesn’t mean the relationship still serves you or your growth.
Notice the in-between moments: In the beginning, the pain can feel constant. But over time, there will be glimmers of light—moments of hope, a small smile, or a deep breath that feels grounding. Notice those moments—they’ll grow.
Take care of your body: Heartache takes a toll on your physical health too. Nourish yourself with healthy food, rest, movement, and practices like breathwork or time in nature to calm your nervous system. Lean on safe, supportive connections when you need them.
Heartache reminds us of how deeply we’ve cared, and that in itself is a reflection of the love we’re capable of giving and receiving. Even in the midst of pain, there’s an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and move forward with a deeper understanding of who you are and what you need.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or erasing the past. It’s about learning to carry the love and the lessons as you step into the next chapter, more attuned to yourself and the life you want to create. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this delicate journey.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
