Embracing the Unsaid: The Messages I Wish I Had Heard
Hello Beautiful Friends,
Is there anything you wish your parents had said to you more often growing up? If we were to reflect on our childhood, many of us can remember moments where a few kind words might have made all the difference.
I wholeheartedly believe my parents did the best they could with the tools they had while raising my brother and me. However, I also recognize there were tools they lacked – tools that would have greatly benefited a younger me. This realization has been part of my beautiful, expansive, challenging, and at times heartbreaking journey of personal growth. It’s what ignited my passion for acquiring these tools, not only to reparent my younger self but also to share them with others.
I don’t blame my parents. Like me, they adopted coping mechanisms shaped by their childhood experiences and the behaviours modeled by their caregivers. Neither had an easy path, but they did their best to break the patterns they recognized and didn’t want to repeat. Healing isn’t accomplished in a single generation; with each generation we hope to learn, grow, and try something new. It may not be perfect, we may overcorrect at times, but these are just steps in any learning process, and I’m committed to embracing them wholeheartedly.
I know that if my parents had been able to, they would’ve given me the exact and specific support I needed. I’ve learned to give that to myself now, and it has been profound and healing.
Here are five affirmations I wish my parents had been able to voice:
“I’m here with you”: More than solutions, I needed to feel that I wasn't alone in facing my challenges. The reassurance that my mistakes wouldn’t diminish their love would have given me the courage to face challenges and mistakes more openly.
“Your emotions aren’t too much for me”: As a child, overwhelming emotions can feel scary. When parents seem overwhelmed by a child’s emotions, the child may learn to suppress those feelings, fearing they are too much to handle.
“That makes sense to me”: Agreement wasn't necessary, but feeling understood is comforting. Such validation would have provided comfort and reassurance during emotionally challenging times.
“I believe in you”: Looking back, it’s clear my parents believed in me, but they rarely expressed it directly. Parents often express pride in their children to others but may forget to share those affirmations directly with their child.
“You are never too much, and you are always enough”: This line from Netflix’s “Never Have I Ever” embodies what I needed to hear. This affirmation could have quieted my doubts and insecurities about being too shy, too different, or all the ways I feared not being enough.
Often, adults assume these sentiments are understood by children, yet they need to be explicitly voiced and consistently reinforced through our actions. This applies not only to children but to everyone we care about.
My parents did their best, and I hold immense love and gratitude for all they did during my childhood and what my mom continues to do. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or child. Today, these affirmations have become beautiful gifts that I offer to myself and share with those around me. In fact, the last one resonated with me so deeply that I include it in cards to some very special young people in my life every year.
What affirmations do you wish you heard more as a child? How would it feel to tell yourself those words now? I invite you to reflect on these questions and perhaps even write down those words—both for yourself and for the loved ones in your life.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
