Embracing Awkward Moments – Expressing the Hard-to-Say Things in Relationships
Welcome back, Beautiful Friends,
Have you ever read or heard relationship advice and thought, “I would never say that?”
I’ve been there too! Over the course of many relationships, I realized that while some things may feel uncomfortable or awkward to say, they’re often worth considering. In my current partnership, I’ve been leaning into this discomfort. Sometimes my delivery is a bit clumsy, especially when trying something new, and the fear of rejection runs deep for me in romantic relationships. But I remind myself that respectfully expressing my feelings is an act of being true to myself, not a demand for a specific response—it’s about opening the door to understanding, not controlling the outcome. Despite how awkward it can feel, I’ve found it to be one hundred percent worthwhile.
It can be tempting to approach relationships in the same ways we’re used to, hoping for different results, wishing the other person would respond as we hope. But there comes a point when we must ask ourselves if embracing new tools and approaches might be worthwhile, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
While it might feel easier to avoid these moments, leaning into them can lead to deeper understanding and stronger connections. By expressing these truths, even awkwardly, we create space for authentic communication and growth in our relationships.
Here are a few phrases I’ve been learning to say in my relationships (both romantic and otherwise) that help me navigate these conversations more effectively:
“I’m feeling defensive about that.” Labeling my emotion out loud helps me slow down and helps the other person understand where I’m at. It also prevents me from making a character judgment (such as calling the other person “uncaring” or “rude”) by instead pointing out the behavior I feel triggered by. For example, I once shared that I felt defensive during a conversation about a friend, and it shifted the tone immediately, allowing us both to approach the situation with more empathy.
“That’s a good point.” This can be hard to admit in the middle of a disagreement, but acknowledging it shows the other person that I’m still listening and considering what they’re saying, not just trying to prove my point.
“I want to keep talking about this, but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Can we take a 20-minute break and come back to this?” When I notice that I’m struggling to keep myself centered, being able to note it and ask for a break usually saves us from going around in defensive and escalating circles. Studies show it takes at least 20 minutes for our bodies to return to a calmer state when we’re in a fight-or-flight mode.
“Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to talk this through with me.” Simple acknowledgments like this go a long way in showing appreciation and reinforcing positive communication.
“I’m feeling a bit grumpy/sensitive/on edge today, so if I seem a bit off, please know it’s not you.” This is a preemptive approach I like to use because I know what it’s like when someone is acting distant or crabby, and they haven’t told me why. It’s far too easy to assume it’s about me. So, I try to let people know if I’m feeling off, even if I’m not in the mood to talk about why, just so they know it’s not about them.
“I didn’t mean for that to come out that way. Can I please try again?” No matter how much work we do on ourselves or how grounded we generally are, sometimes things slip out in a way that’s harsher than we meant. It’s okay to own the moment and ask for a redo.
“This is bringing up some things for me that I need to explore.” Sometimes I say this more to myself than to the other person, but occasionally I will share it with them. The exploration might lead to something important to discuss with them, or it might just be a personal learning opportunity.
Practicing these phrases in situations that feel less emotionally charged can be helpful. For instance, I’ve been known to practice alone or with a friend I feel safe with. It helps me work out some kinks and nerves. As I continue to use these phrases, I’ve found that they help create open, vulnerable dialogue focused on connection. It’s not always elegant in the moment, but it’s always been worth it.
Embracing vulnerability in conversations can be challenging, but it also opens the door to deeper understanding and stronger relationships. Remember, it's okay to feel awkward or unsure—these are signs that you're growing and learning. Keep showing up, keep trying, and know that every step you take toward more authentic communication is a step toward richer, more meaningful connections.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
