Embracing Emotional Presence – Integrating Body and Mind Without Bypassing
Hello, Kind Souls!
In many posts, I’ve highlighted the importance of regulating our nervous system. While these tools are crucial for our personal growth, they are not meant to be a way of bypassing our emotional experiences.
There was a phase in my journey when intense emotions would prompt me to immediately turn to nervous system regulation techniques like breathwork, physical activity, or earthing. Though helpful, I realized I was using them to avoid truly feeling my emotions. I had shifted from dulling my feelings with media and over-extension, to trying to 'cleanse' them from my body. Yes, at times, our emotions are so overwhelming that we need to centre ourselves before we can process them, but eventually, they must be addressed – otherwise, we risk perpetuating the same cycles.
The methods we use to dampen difficult emotions not only lead to repeating patterns, but can also blunt the emotions we wish to fully experience. As Brené Brown poignantly notes, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
When we encounter stress, our amygdala activates a flood of hormones preparing us for ‘fight or flight.’ These often manifest as distinct bodily sensations like a racing heart or pressure in our chest. By tuning into these signals, we can gain insights into our emotional state, allowing us to mindfully process our emotions rather than being overwhelmed by them. For instance, when I paid more attention to how my body reacts, I noticed that if one of my bids for connection has been missed, I might feel a lump in my throat or heat rising to my face. I often close my eyes to allow myself to feel these sensations more deeply. Can I get curious about them and explore how far back I can remember experiencing them? Maybe they echo a childhood moment when someone important didn’t show up for me. Identifying the narrative attached to these sensations, such as, ‘I don’t matter enough for the people I love to show up for me,’ can be painful but is crucial for healing.
This process takes practice and often, as in my case, support to navigate it in an emotionally safe way. These are muscles and skills that we build over time. Many of us have buried these emotional memories deeply, under layers of numbing and bypassing, making them difficult to access. Uncovering these stories isn’t about dwelling on them, but about understanding their origins so we can fully process what was left unresolved in our subconscious. Sometimes, the younger versions of ourselves need the compassion and validation they didn’t receive when these experiences first occurred. This is the beautiful support we can learn to gift ourselves.
Integrating these tools helps us complete emotional cycles seeking closure, freeing us from outdated stories and behaviours that no longer serve us. This powerful work transforms how we interact with ourselves and the world, enabling our true selves to shine and helping us create the lives and relationships we desire. As Bessel A. van der Kolk beautifully explains in The Body Keeps the Score, "In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past."
Nervous system regulation isn’t about evading our feelings – it’s about engaging with them more authentically. By embracing our bodily sensations as messengers, we learn not just to survive, but to thrive. Reflecting on our bodily sensations and the personal stories we’ve attached to them can unearth profound insights and healing. If this resonates with you, I invite you to share your experiences with someone you feel safe with. Your journey is uniquely yours, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Let’s support each other along the way.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
