Embracing Growing Love – Why Meaningful Relationships Don’t Just ‘Work’ on Their Own
Hello again, Lovely Souls!
We often hear the phrase, "If it’s meant to be, it will just work." Whether it’s about romance, friendship, or family, there’s a common belief that the best relationships should feel effortless—that they’ll withstand anything simply because they’re strong enough. Even in our relationship with ourselves, we sometimes assume self-love should come naturally, without conscious effort.
It’s a comforting idea, but relationships—no matter how deep—don’t flourish on their own. Even with the ‘right’ people, love isn’t something we passively receive; it’s something we grow through intention and care.
All relationships, no matter how meaningful, require attention. Life will shift. People will change. Even the most natural friendships will go through seasons where maintaining them takes effort. Maybe you’ve seen memes about how wonderful it is to have friends you can go months without talking to and still pick up right where you left off. While that kind of bond can be beautiful, it’s also important to remember that relationships aren’t meant to simply be preserved—they’re meant to evolve.
And yet, many of us have been conditioned to believe that trying in relationships means something is wrong. We assume that needing to put in effort makes a connection less special, or that initiating deeper conversations feels unnatural, even awkward. But think about anything in life that flourishes—a garden, a career, our personal growth. None of these things thrive without care, curiosity, and consistency. Relationships are no different.
That doesn’t mean every connection needs to be deeply cultivated. Some relationships will stay surface-level, and that’s okay. But for the people who truly matter—our core people—it’s important not to take them for granted. Love isn’t just about finding the right people; it’s about choosing them, again and again. Of course, this applies to relationships where there is mutual emotional safety and respect. Growth takes effort, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your well-being.
Growing love doesn’t always mean grand gestures—it often looks like the small, everyday choices that build trust, intimacy, and understanding.
Stay Curious – When we assume we already know someone, we stop truly seeing them. Relationships grow when we stay curious, ask deeper questions, and invite new conversations. (Games like Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? can be a great tool to spark meaningful dialogue.)
Express Gratitude Often – It’s easy to focus on what’s lacking or frustrating, but regularly noticing and sharing what we appreciate in one another strengthens our connection. Gratitude reminds us why we cherish the people in our lives, even through challenges.
Honour Each Other’s Individuality – Relationships thrive when we allow space for each person to be fully themselves. Love isn’t about merging into one—it’s about supporting each other’s growth while feeling safe to show up as we are.
Nurture Self-Connection – The more we know and accept ourselves, the more we can bring our true selves into relationships. When we tend to our own emotional needs, we show up with more presence, clarity, and authenticity.
Choose Connection, Even When It’s Uncomfortable – Vulnerability, repair, and effort are all part of sustaining love. Sometimes, checking in, addressing an unspoken tension, or simply reaching out first can feel awkward—but these are the moments that deepen trust and closeness.
Relationships, like anything meaningful, require care. Not because they’re fragile, but because they’re alive.
There will be seasons where closeness comes effortlessly and others where connection requires more intention. There will be moments when self-love feels natural and others where we need to remind ourselves—gently and patiently—that we are worthy.
Effort doesn’t take away from the magic of a relationship—it’s what allows it to grow.
So, as you reflect on the relationships that matter to you—whether with a partner, a friend, a family member, or even yourself—I invite you to consider: What’s one way you can embrace the imperfect, sometimes awkward process of nurturing love—with yourself or someone else?
If this resonates and you’d like to explore it but aren’t sure where to start, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. I’m here to support you.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
