Embracing Understanding – Why We See the World So Differently (And Why It Matters)
Hello, and welcome back!
“I would never do that!”
Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying that? Maybe it was about how someone voted, how they handled a challenge, or even something as simple as how they dress.
I get it—I’ve said it too. It’s a thought that draws a line between “us” and “them,” focusing on our differences. And often, underneath that thought is the assumption that the difference is a reflection of character—that they must be wired differently than we are.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to fall into this pattern—how quick we are to assume that someone else’s choices are about who they are, rather than about what shaped them. But now, more than ever, what we need isn’t more division—it’s understanding.
For the sake of this conversation, let’s keep things focused on differences of opinion. When someone does something differently than we would, our ego can see that as a threat to our sense of self. We might wonder, “What does it say about me that they see things differently?”
The answer? It doesn’t say anything about you.
Their choices are not about you. Their perspective is shaped by their experiences—just like yours is. And if we truly understood those experiences, we might not be so quick to say, “I would never do that.”
The way we navigate the world isn’t random—it’s based on the sum of what we’ve lived.
The family and culture we grew up in
The way we’ve been responded to (Were we encouraged? Dismissed? Punished?)
The beliefs passed down to us
The way our nervous system processes information (some people are more sensitive to their surroundings and process more deeply)
If we knew all these details about another person’s life, we’d more likely understand why they do what they do—even if we still don’t agree with it.
This is why, especially in our closest relationships, curiosity is one of the most powerful tools for connection. When we can create an environment where we feel safe enough to share our experiences, our perspectives begin to make more sense to one another.
For example, during the height of COVID precautions, many of us had friends and family members with very different approaches to navigating it all. When I was able to pause and approach those differences with curiosity, I started asking them, “What about this approach feels most aligned for you?”
I saw how my own perspective was shaped by wearing different hats—as a business owner, as a healthy young(ish) person, as the daughter of someone who has had serious health battles. And I started to see how everyone else was doing the same.
Our beliefs weren’t an attack on one another—they were a reflection of what we were trying to protect.
It’s not about trying to convince someone to see things our way. But when we create space for real, vulnerable conversation, we start to recognize that underneath our differences, we are all doing the same thing:
Seeking safety, security, and belonging
Making choices based on what we’ve been taught and what we’ve lived
Trying, in our own way, to navigate an uncertain world
At the core, we all want to feel seen, heard, and safe. But we can’t get there if we keep building walls between us. Separation doesn’t lead to understanding—it only keeps us further apart.
We don’t have to agree with every perspective. We don’t even have to understand every choice.
But if we stop seeing each other as the enemy, maybe we’ll start seeing each other as human.
So next time you catch yourself thinking, “I would never do that,” pause and ask:
• What experiences might have shaped their choice?
• If I had lived their life, would I see things more similarly?
• What would I have had to go through to make a similar decision?
• Can I hold space for understanding, even if I don’t agree?
Understanding doesn’t require agreement. But it does create more connection, more compassion, and more space to see each other as human.
Because at the end of the day, we are far more alike than we are different.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
