Embracing Our Relationship to Self – How it Opens Our World

Hello Friends,

In the whirlwind of holiday gatherings, amidst the beautiful connections I cherish, I was reminded of something equally precious – our need to connect with ourselves.

Growing up, many of us instinctively attuned to those around us, especially our primary caregivers. It was part of our survival – an unconscious drive. Unfortunately, not many of us had the privilege of being guided to explore our inner selves, as most previous generations struggled with this themselves. The true value of nurturing a relationship with myself didn’t become clear to me until my 30s, and it’s been nothing short of transformative.

So, why is this inner relationship so crucial? It’s the bedrock of our self-esteem and the compass that guides us to our core values. When we understand and honour our values, every decision we make becomes a reflection of our authentic selves. We transcend beyond chasing external benchmarks of success or acceptance to build a life that’s genuinely ours.

Have you ever met someone who’s fostered this kind of healthy relationship with themselves? There’s a natural sense of peace and fulfillment that seems to flow effortlessly from them. It’s not that they don’t face challenges or have their own struggles, but they navigate life’s ups and downs from a place of deep self-awareness and inner stability. They have a solid foundation that keeps their inner waters calm no matter what is happening around them.

My own journey of personal growth started amidst some pretty rough seas. Turns out that for most of my life, I had given so much weight to what others thought and expected of me that I was lost in the noise, unable to hear my own voice. I struggled to pinpoint and live in alignment with my values because I was accustomed to focusing on other people.

As I worked to discover what my core values are, connection was clearly something I held dear. The tricky part? Learning that true connection with others shouldn’t come at the expense of the connection with myself. It’s about finding a balance, and understanding that I can offer myself the love and safety I had, for so long, sought from others. My relationships were free to enrich my life rather than steer it.

This can feel especially complicated in a family dynamic that has long-encouraged us to put family above all else. That narrative, while heartwarming, can sometimes overshadow our own identity and values. Many of us have felt like the black sheep of our family by going against the grain or pointing out toxic patterns, but as Brené Brown distinguishes, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

Remember, we are all worthy of love, just as we are. If we grew up feeling we had to prove ourselves to receive love, it’s all too easy to fall into similar patterns as adults. We may inadvertently seek relationships where we feel we need to prove our worthiness in an attempt to heal that childhood wound. This often leaves us settling for less than we deserve – while none of us gets everything we want from a relationship, respect, consistency and emotional availability are the minimums. I’ve been there…trying to bend myself to be the person I thought my partner would choose, subconsciously thinking, “if they want me enough, they’ll change their behaviour.” I forgot that their desire to change has nothing to do with me or my worth. When I built a stronger relationship with myself, I was able to both give the respect, consistency and emotional availability I wanted, and walk away if the other person wasn’t able to give the same.

This path of self-discovery and building a strong relationship with myself hasn’t been easy. These patterns take time and practice to rewire. It’s involved a lot of introspection, learning to listen to my body, setting healthy boundaries, and a whole lot of curiosity. It’s about viewing our decisions through the lens of our values and practising self-compassion.

I invite you to join me as we continue this enriching journey of exploring and solidifying the most vital relationship – the one we have with ourselves. It’s a path that will challenge you, surprise you and ultimately open your world in ways you never imagined.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina