Embracing the Observer Within – Why We Are Not Our Thoughts

Hello, lovely souls! Welcome back to our journey of self-discovery and growth.

How often do you find yourself caught up in your internal monologue? For example, when your computer stalls during an important project, that inner voice might exclaim, “Come on, already! Why is this stupid computer so slow?” Or, when a loved one casually enjoys your snack without asking, does the voice within react with, “Ugh! I was saving that – they always do this!”?

If you can recognize these internal dialogues, you’ve already taken the first step in unlocking the potential for profound change in your life! You’ve identified your inner observer – the part of us that realizes we are not our thoughts.

While many of us have encountered the phrase “I think, therefore I am,” attributed to René Descartes, it doesn’t mean “I am what I think.” Take a moment to consider how quickly thoughts come and go and how randomly they can arise, and it will be clear that they are not definitive of who we are.

Think about it…recent research indicates that we have more than 6000 thoughts a day. Many of these thoughts are spontaneous and operate beyond our control – they might not align with our values, we may have no desire to act upon them, and some may not even hold any actual truth.  For instance, I might entertain the delightful idea of adopting 20 puppies for endless cuddles and play, but that doesn’t mean I will. Similarly, when I occasionally think “I’m so lazy” on a day when I haven’t completed my entire to-do list, does that thought accurately define me?

Once we fully embrace the notion that we are not our thoughts but rather the observers of our thoughts, what’s our next step? We work to expand the space between our thoughts and our observer. How? By continuing to notice them, which requires presence. So, all the tools we’ve explored so far, and those we’ll continue to discover, designed to bring us back to the present moment, are instrumental in honing this skill. As we gradually detach from the belief that we are our thoughts, we gain the capacity to be more intentional with them.

Let’s revisit the snack scenario. Being aware of our thoughts might not alleviate the initial frustration, but it can create enough mental space to offer us a chance to respond thoughtfully. Can we start by noticing the story that accompanies that initial feeling? Perhaps we associate their actions with being disrespectful of our things, or are frustrated because of the time we took to get that snack in the first place. Would we label that person as inconsiderate, in general? If not, perhaps we can start to unravel the story behind our frustration. By exploring these narratives, we create room for more measured, compassionate responses. This mindful approach allows us to foster healthier relationships and craft the life that we genuinely desire.

Viktor E. Frankl once said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Can we learn to let our thoughts arise without becoming entangled in them? Can we question them and get curious when we do attach to them? And can we extend this practice to our emotions, remembering that we are not our emotions, but rather we experience our emotions?

We are the conscious observers - the awareness - of our thoughts, emotions and perceptions. Learning to wholeheartedly embrace this awareness, to wield it effectively, is where our true power resides. Let’s continue this transformative journey together, nurturing the observer within and unlocking a life of intentional, authentic living!

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina