Embracing Our Shadow – Illuminating and Nurturing Our Hidden Selves Beyond Shame

Greetings, Friends!

Thank you for joining me for another exploration into empowerment and transformation. Today, let’s delve into a question that might resonate more deeply than we’d initially like to admit:

Are there parts of yourself you feel ashamed of?

Perhaps it’s the sharpness in your words born from hurt and anger, or the weight you allow fear to carry in your decision-making. Or, like me, maybe you find it challenging to vocalize your needs and desires. We all possess facets of ourselves that are difficult to embrace – traits we wish to change yet feel stuck in. And with each repetitive cycle of these behaviours, not only does our inner critic amplify its intensity, but that pattern also becomes more deeply engrained. Carl Jung captured this phenomenon concisely, stating, “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

For some of us, these aspects are so deeply buried that recognizing them is a challenge. Often, the traits that irk us in others are reflections of our internal battles, mirroring aspects of ourselves we’re reluctant to face. For instance, we might harshly judge another’s temper as a reflection of our concealed feelings about our own temper, or envy someone’s assertiveness when we’ve been taught to mute our own desires.

But why is shame such a formidable force in our lives? Research indicates that shame can lead to a myriad of issues, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Despite its pervasive impact, shame persists, largely because, as Gabor Maté insightfully notes, “Shame is the deepest of the ‘negative emotions,’ a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs our ability to see reality.”

How do we start to break this cycle?

Curiosity is a great starting point. By questioning the origins of these beliefs and behaviours, we recognize that they often stem from coping mechanisms developed to endure and survive our youth, either in the absence of guidance or through direct modeling. Acknowledging their roots is powerful in enabling us to approach these shadow selves with compassion. We can’t change what we haven’t acknowledged, so our first step is to cast a gentle, understanding light into our inner darkness.

Why is it so important to hold these parts of ourselves with love? While self-criticism may momentarily spur us into action, it ultimately reinforces the notion of conditional worthiness…that we’re not lovable unless we change, perpetuating the cycle of shame.

I invite you to gently explore the shadows within, understanding they are not your enemies but parts of your whole, worthy of love and acceptance. Join me as we venture into embracing our shadow selves, not with disdain, but with love and compassion, paving the way for true and lasting transformation.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina