Embracing Possibility – How Letting Go of Expectations Creates Space for Magic

Happy New Year and welcome back!

Entering a new year often stirs up a variety of emotions – hopeful aspirations mingled with the weight of expectations. While new year’s resolutions serve as a source of motivation for some, the concept has never quite resonated with me. Resolutions tend to carry an inherent set of expectations about the envisioned future. If that outcome fails to materialize, we can carry a sense of shame and defeat. So, when I set a goal, I prefer to focus on possibility, and liberate myself from rigid expectations.

So, what distinguishes expectations from possibilities? Expectations are future-oriented and results-driven, deferring our joy and sense of accomplishment to a specific future moment and outcome. They create pressure and often stifle the creativity necessary for an authentic journey. Possibilities, on the other hand, are grounded in the present, driven by intention and alignment with our values. Feeling accomplished is derived from actions resonating with these values.

Expectations bind us to predetermined outcomes, confining our sense of accomplishment to a narrow path. Given the unpredictable nature of life, entertaining the idea that alternative possibilities might be just as rewarding or even more so, becomes a liberating perspective. Consider the trajectory of Jennifer Hudson, who, after losing on American Idol, went on to win an Oscar. Had she clung rigidly to the expectation of winning American Idol, her incredible journey might never have unfolded.

It’s certainly natural to hope for particular outcomes, but trying to force them or being consumed with negative thoughts and feelings when they don’t materialize keeps us stuck. Reflecting on my own journey, there was a time when I was deeply attached to the expectation of being married with kids in my thirties. The attachment to this expectation of what my life ‘should’ look like led to so much unnecessary suffering, as I questioned my worthiness and lovability. However, learning to detach from this allowed me to embrace unexpected twists and turns, leading to an incredibly fulfilling path.

The key lies in freeing ourselves from the need for predetermined outcomes. Can we open up to the possibility that the journey toward our goals might take unexpected turns, ultimately leading to destinations even more fantastic than we imagined? Can we recognize that one situation’s outcome doesn’t define our value or capabilities?

This isn’t a call to lower standards or abandon goals but an invitation to work towards aspirations while remaining open to outcomes different from our initial expectations. The question becomes: Can we pursue our goals while embracing the possibilities that arise, rooted in our values?

You might wonder, “Why bother trying?” or, “Isn’t this just letting ourselves off the hook?” The difference is, with expectations we live for results, and with possibilities we live out of our values.  Focusing on possibilities is a self-compassionate approach rooted in acceptance of the present moment, both of which are cornerstones of personal growth, helping us resiliently move forward, acknowledging that the journey itself is a success.

So, as you navigate your current goals, whether tied to new year’s resolutions or not, I invite you to release your expectations and embrace the myriad possibilities that exist. Ground yourself in your values as you journey towards your goals, and let the magic unfold!

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina