Embracing Relationship Truths – Navigating the Realities of Love and Partnership
Welcome back, Friends!
Has anyone else ever been in a relationship and thought, “This isn’t what I thought it would be like”?
Maybe like me, you grew up watching movies or shows with sweeping declarations of love, crazy adventures, or picture-perfect resolutions after conflict. Or perhaps all those songs you listened to had you believing love is all about butterflies and fireworks. The reality of life looks a lot different than the ideas we were sold, and may have us questioning our own relationships.
Building healthy intimate relationships can be a beautiful journey, and at the same time, it requires us to release and grieve old stories about the way love is ‘supposed to be’ and accept some harsh relationship truths.
Here are some of the toughest realities I had to accept in order to start building a healthy relationship:
We won’t always want the same things at the same time: From meals to vacations to how we spend our free time, we’re two individuals with different sets of wants and needs. Learning how to make space for those differences in a safe way is key. How do you navigate differences in your relationship?
We won’t always like each other: We will inadvertently annoy each other and even hurt one another. Throughout the course of a relationship, we will know many evolving versions of one another – balancing the grief, confusion, and frustration that can come with this is important.
Doing our own work IS relationship work: The greatest thing we can do to build our relationship health is to continue the work we do with ourselves. The more we know, trust, and understand ourselves, the healthier our relationship with others will be. For example, being able to understand my past and my triggers has helped me communicate my needs with my partner more effectively, and also helps me pause and practice self-exploration and self-validation before projecting my frustrations onto them. I used to get incredibly anxious when a partner didn’t text back right away, interpreting it as a sign of disinterest. By working on my own insecurities and communication skills, I learned to approach these moments with more understanding and less anxiety.
I better be able to give what it is I’m asking for: While it’s tempting to simply list all the things I want my partner to do or be, are these things I’m willing and able to offer in return? What qualities or actions are you expecting from your partner, and how can you embody them yourself?
It’s not always going to be 50/50: Balance is important in partnerships, but that doesn’t mean we’ll always be able to give an equal amount in every area. We have different strengths and will be navigating different life events. Can we build a partnership where we give extra support when needed and show appreciation for each other’s strengths and contributions? How do you and your partner navigate the give-and-take in your relationship?
It’s not about my way or their way; it’s about finding the way together: We all come into a relationship with a history. We have a way of doing things that we tend to believe is the better way…but guess what? Our partner thinks the same thing. What works for me might not work for my partner and vice versa…so how do we find a way that works for us, as a team? How do you and your partner create solutions that work for both of you?
We’ll likely feel bored at some point(s): When we’re getting to know someone, there are so many firsts and so much to learn about one another. As times goes on, we can feel like we know everything about our partner, and it’s easy to get into a rut. This is normal and doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. I feel bored with just myself sometimes so it’s no surprise that I’m bound to feel that way with another person. Remember, everyone is constantly evolving. Tap into curiosity to continuously get to know each other.
Navigating the complexities of relationships requires continuous effort, understanding, and patience. When we accept that things won’t always look like they do in movies or fairytales, it can relieve some of the pressure that can accompany the grief that our relationship doesn’t always feel amazing. By embracing these truths, we can foster deeper, more authentic connections. If you ever feel overwhelmed, remember you aren’t alone, and seeking support is a sign of strength and commitment to your well-being and the relationship. I’m here to help.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
Please remember, this post is not about enduring abuse. If you’re facing abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional, this isn’t the path to follow. Prioritize your well-being, seek help, and remember that your safety comes first.
