Embracing Unlearning – Five Habits I Released to Transform My Life
Hello – I’m so glad you’re joining me today!
Have you ever stopped to consider what old habits or beliefs you carry that might not be serving you anymore?
In previous posts, I've discussed acquiring new tools and building skillsets, essential for growth and personal development. What’s equally important, is the process of unlearning—letting go of old coping mechanisms that no longer serve us. Today, I want to share five key patterns I've released on my journey to foster a healthier and more balanced life:
Outsourcing My Opinions to Others: Years ago, I would seek advice from anyone willing to listen, hoping to find the ‘right’ answer to whatever challenge I was facing. I’ve come to understand that their opinion is based on their own experiences and projections, and the answer that is right for me is already within me. Learning to tune into and trust my intuitive voice has improved my decision-making confidence and reduced dependence on external validation.
Giving Away My Power: For much of my life, I struggled to accept responsibility for my reactions and the consequences of my actions. It felt easier to displace the discomfort of that responsibility by blaming others or external circumstances. By building my self-esteem, I’ve learned to embrace personal responsibility, empowering me to actively shape the life I desire with a stronger sense of agency and self-respect.
Overcommitting and Busyness: When I was young, my parents didn’t understand introversion. My need for time or space alone was overlooked unless I was busy with tasks like homework. This habit persisted into adulthood, where I often busied myself instead of tuning into or asking for what I really needed. In attempting to avoid the feeling of discomfort and rejection, what I ended up avoiding was myself. Learning to slow down has allowed me to connect more deeply to myself and honour my needs more authentically for greater well-being and less stress.
Making Assumptions: Growing up, I felt anxious taking up too much space – I didn’t want to be a bother. I often tried to anticipate others’ needs as a way to feel loved and accepted. This led to a pattern of assuming I knew what others wanted or thought. I would try to fill in the blanks, and as human brains typically do, I often did it with a negative bias. For example, if someone asked me to choose a movie to watch, I would try to pick one I thought they wanted to watch, rather than just stating my preference. And if someone told me they weren’t having a great day but didn’t want to talk about it, guess who would assume it was about them! Recognizing this habit has enabled me let people speak for themselves, and not feel the burden if they haven’t been honest about it. It also allows me to ask clarifying questions when I’m unsure, such as, “Can you please clarify that for me?” “I’m not sure I understand, can you tell me more?” This has created more trust and freedom for each person to be authentically themselves. It also lightens my mental load and enriches my relationships.
Believing all my thoughts: It’s easy to get wrapped up in our thoughts, particularly when our ego tries to protect us by dredging up the past, creating cyclical thoughts or filling in the blanks with stories. It can be quite convincing! Slowing down to question my thoughts, and understanding not all of my thoughts are true, has allowed me to live less defensively and more authentically, making decisions from a place of love and alignment, rather than fear.
These are just a few of the patterns I’ve released, and the impact of letting them go has reached every corner of my life. While personal development is an ongoing journey without a finish line, the process of unlearning old habits is transformative. Remember, even when we logically know it’s for the best, letting go can be challenging. These are patterns we are very familiar with, that our ego is comfortable with, and it often takes multiple attempts to release them. There may even be a grieving process as we part with familiar behaviours that once protected us, in order to embrace new patterns to lead us to the places we want to go.
I invite you to reflect on your own life – what habits and beliefs might you be clinging to? Imagine the freedom and growth that could come from letting them go. When you’re ready to identify and release patterns that no longer serve you, I’m here to support you every step of the way.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
