Embracing Being Misunderstood – Letting Go of the Need for Universal Approval
Welcome back! Ready to dive in with me again?
Last week, we ventured into the realm of imperfection, which sparked conversations that highlighted another nuanced aspect: releasing our need to always be understood.
Of course, I do my best to be intentional and thoughtful with my words…to communicate my thoughts and feelings with care…and yet, at the end of the day, how someone perceives my words is ultimately beyond my control. If there is any uncertainty, I’d hope for a dialogue driven by curiosity to clarify misunderstandings. But that decision lies with them.
Our primal need for acceptance is hardwired from birth. Historically, being embraced by our community was crucial for survival, making our desire to be understood a pathway to acceptance. And indeed, having a supportive tribe – be it family, friends, or a blend of both – is essential for personal and social flourishing. However, as our interactions increasingly shift online, the definition of our “tribe” blurs. Are we mistakenly assuming that acceptance and understanding from every casual acquaintance are necessary?
The hard truth is that in the minds of everyone we’ve encountered (and even those we haven’t), there exists a unique version of us over which we have no control. To some, we might appear unreliable or tiresome, while others may view us as kind, authentic, and reliable. Our perceptions are shaped by the context of our interactions: our respective life stages, our personal histories, the nature of our meeting, and so much more. The same words or actions can be interpreted differently by different people – or even by the same person on another day.
Of course, it’s tempting to want to shape other’s view of me, but I’ve come to realize that it’s both none of my business, and a drain of my energy. What truly matters is aligning my actions with my core values. This doesn’t mean I’ve lost the desire to be understood. Instead, I recognize that while my tribe will always seek to understand me, there will be others who won’t – and it’s not my job to convince them they should. My worth doesn’t hinge on another person’s understanding of who I am.
Through my own journey with this, I’ve discovered the unexpected freedom in embracing being misunderstood. It has taught me that life isn’t about finding universal approval but rather in coming back to our own authenticity. Learning to live this lesson has not only deepened my connection with myself but also allowed me to cultivate more meaningful and authentic relationships. By releasing the need for constant understanding, I’ve found a space where I can exist more freely, embracing both my strengths and vulnerabilities with an open heart. It’s in this space that I’ve experienced the most significant growth, learning to cherish my journey for what it is, not for how it’s perceived by others.
Understandably, there are situations where the real-life consequences of being misunderstood can feel deeply challenging, frustrating, and unfair. These emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. At the same time, resisting the uncontrollable aspects of these situations often compounds our suffering. Can we learn to discern which situations are worth our energy and which we should walk away from, to find the people, opportunities, and environments that truly resonate with us?
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
