Embracing Follow-Through: Strengthening Trust and Integrity in Daily Life
Hello, Friends!
Have you ever felt a twinge of disappointment when someone promised to call or finish a task but didn’t, or perhaps found yourself apologizing for the same slip-up? You’re not alone – if we’re being honest, we’ve all probably been that person at times, not just for others, but also for ourselves.
Life, of course, gets busy and there are so many things to juggle that it’s easy to forget things or run short on time. But if we’re noticing that we’re having to apologize more often for not following through on the things we said we’d do, perhaps it’s time to get curious about what’s contributing to that pattern, and the impacts it may be having.
When someone doesn’t follow through for us, we might let it go the first time…the second time…maybe even the third time. But as we notice this pattern, what happens? Our trust in that person’s word starts to deteriorate. They may have the very best intentions, but if they routinely fall short, no matter how small the commitment, we learn that their word doesn’t hold much meaning. Whether this happens with a friend, loved one, or colleague, it can feel frustrating and disappointing. And typically, the closer our connection to this person, the stronger those feelings are. As trust deteriorates, our sense of safety goes with it.
Learning to follow through is certainly important when it comes to tasks and responsibilities, and it’s also crucial when it comes to boundaries. Whether it’s with another adult, or a child, if we voice a boundary and don’t follow through, the other person will eventually learn that we don’t mean what we say. Even though it feels awful, it’s maybe no surprise when they disrespect our boundaries…as they see it, we don’t mean what we say. Especially with children, this can create a feeling of instability – children look to the adults in their lives for emotional safety, and part of that involves them being able to trust what we say. So, when we say five more minutes, and repeatedly fail to follow through, they don’t know how to make sense of what we’re saying. Now imagine how destabilizing it could feel when someone gets angry at you for not knowing which times to respect their boundaries.
There are many reasons we may struggle to follow through. For me, people-pleasing was definitely a contributing factor. In an attempt to avoid disappointing anyone, my tendency to over-commit, often left me exhausted and my promises unfulfilled. This was tough to admit to myself, and prompted a deeper exploration of my values and commitments. Learning to say ‘no’ or ‘let me think about it’ was not just about managing my schedule – it was about respecting my energy and honouring my relationships. Some other reasons we may struggle to follow through are:
Unclear on Our Core Values: When we’re not sure what truly matters to us, it’s hard to prioritize and follow through on commitments.
Low Self-Esteem: We might doubt our abilities and fear we can’t meet expectations, leading to avoidance. We may also fear rejection if we say no or voice a boundary.
Low Self-Trust: Past experiences of not following through can erode our confidence in our ability to do so in the future.
Lack of Self-Understanding: Not knowing our limits, strengths, and needs can make it hard to make realistic commitments.
Struggle to Self-Regulate: Difficulty managing our emotions and impulses can lead to procrastination and inconsistency. When we’re unable to regulate our reactions, it can lead to making promises in the heat of the moment that are not realistically sustainable. This lack of control might make it hard to stay the course, particularly when tasks become challenging or less appealing.
If we want to work on developing this skill, here are a few tips to get started:
Start with Yourself: Make one small promise to yourself each day, and follow through. It could be as simple as starting the day with a glass of water, or reading five pages in a book you’ve been wanting to dive into.
Slow Down: It’s okay to say that you need some time to think about a request before answering.
Clarify Your Core Values: Understanding and remembering the values that are most important to you will help you prioritize.
Set Realistic Goals: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed and to ensure you can follow through.
Create a Supportive Environment: Surround yourself with people who encourage and hold you accountable.
Reflect Regularly: Set aside time each week to reflect on what commitments you've kept and where you've fallen short. This can help you identify patterns and plan more effectively for the future.
As we continue to build these muscles, we not only enhance our own self-esteem and trust but also fortify the emotional safety we create with others. Perfection isn’t the goal—understanding is. We all have moments when we can't follow through, and it's essential to approach these instances with grace and compassion. It’s about recognizing the impact of our patterns and taking steps to realign our behaviours with our values. So why not start today? Choose one small commitment you've been putting off, like a 10-minute walk or calling that friend, and take that first step. Each action, no matter how small, is a stride towards becoming a more reliable and authentic version of ourselves. What’s one thing you can follow through on today to strengthen your integrity and deepen your connections?
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
