Embracing My Whole Self – Navigating the Path to Wholehearted Living
Hello again! Thank you for joining me today as I dive into a subject that feels especially vulnerable - embracing the parts of myself that, somewhere along the way, I learned were unlovable or undesirable.
Along my journey, I’ve managed to acknowledge and embrace many parts of myself that I once hid in the shadows with shame. Being an introvert, someone whose emotions are often expressed with a side-order of tears, and someone who tends to grow quieter in larger groups are just a few of those things. I wholeheartedly believe that the parts I’ve worked to bring into the light, and those I’m still working on, are some of the best parts of me when I allow them to shine. The same holds true for you.
For instance, there were many years when watching someone effortlessly command attention upon entering a room stirred up a mix of insecurity and slight annoyance. Once I explored these emotions, I uncovered where the irritation came from – hidden parts of myself that I rarely exposed. These buried parts held a sense of resentment towards those seemingly unburdened by the need to hide the same parts within themselves. On top of that, I felt a sense of shame for not embodying the same charisma. Why could they boldly claim the spotlight while I hesitated? Through this exploration, I realized there’s more than one way to be bold and I discovered by own authentic brand of it. I learned that it’s not only acceptable for me to let my light shine, but it’s perfectly okay if my light takes a different hue. There’s space for us all to shine, each in our unique ways – it’s part of what makes this world beautiful!
“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” ~ Brené Brown
There was a time when I subconsciously tried to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be, and all it ever got me was exhaustion, disconnection, and anxiety. Learning to embrace my whole self and authentically sharing that has not made me universally liked, but it has introduced me to my voice, my freedom and my tribe.
Some of the things I learned are undesirable or unlovable came from generations before me. Phrases like “don’t cry,” especially in public, or “why are you so shy?” were attempts by those I love to keep both themselves and me safe. I’ve been unlearning those lessons, discovering my values, and living a life based on who I am, rather than who others think I should be. Now, if someone tells me not to cry, I assume good intentions and I share that it’s okay to cry, and can actually lower stress hormones and trigger endorphin release. While I’ve embraced that part of myself, there are still lessons deeply embedded in our culture that may take more effort to release.
One significant societal expectation taking up mental space these days is the concept of aging, or rather, anti-aging. Since childhood, I, like other women in first-world cultures, have been bombarded with the notion that an aging woman is not desirable. The anti-aging market was valued at US$ 17.92 billion in 2022.
Choosing not to do Botox as a 41-year-old is my personal form of self-affirmation and resistance against conforming to these standards. I don’t judge anyone who chooses otherwise – I fully support your decision to do what’s best for you. As a recovering perfectionist, I sense that getting Botox might not ease my worry or silence my critical thoughts; rather, those concerns might shift to another area I’d want to ‘fix.’ It’s a slippery slope for me, so this is how I am working to age as gracefully as possible…despite the immense discomfort at times!
So when I see a picture of myself where my wrinkles are more apparent, I resist the internal urge to photoshop them away – that urge is based on an outdated story. Instead of spiraling into thoughts of unworthiness, I’m working to reframe each wrinkle as a testament to my 41 years of love, heartache, surprise, joy, confusion, exhaustion and everything in between. It might go against the prevalent idea of beauty that benefits from our insecurities, but my journey of embracing my whole self, however she may look, is worth it. We don’t owe it to anyone to look a certain way in order to take up space in this world.
Maybe what you struggle to embrace about yourself is different – perhaps it’s a body that doesn’t function the way it used to or a presence that people told you was ‘too much.’ Whatever it may be, my hope is that we can all learn to bring self-compassion to those parts and embrace them fully, with the love they so deserve. And you know what? The more we’re able to do that, the more we’ll be able to embrace others…and what a truly beautiful world that will be!
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
