Embracing Our Innate Love – Choosing from Love Instead of for Love
Welcome back, Friends!
Have you ever agreed to something and later regretted it? Maybe you said yes without expressing your true opinion or setting a boundary. I know I’ve been there…many times. Connection has always been important to me, so I often found myself prioritizing the needs of others above my own, wanting to preserve that closeness. The tricky part was, my ego would justify these choices because they involved people I truly cared about.
The turning point came when I started asking myself one key question: Am I doing this for love, or from love?
When I’m making a decision for love, it’s often rooted in the hope that it will prove my worth or earn someone’s approval. It’s as if my actions are saying, If I do this, it will show them that I’m lovable. It will prove my value and make me indispensable. This mindset operates with the belief that love is something we need to earn—that it’s conditional, rather than something we are inherently worthy of simply because we exist. It also assumes that love from others is more important than the love we have for ourselves.
This belief is often deeply ingrained. Many of us grew up receiving more affection and attention when we did something that pleased the adults in our lives—whether it was through obedience or achievement. Few of us were lucky enough to grow up with adults who could show us that even when they disliked our actions, they still loved us unconditionally. Experiences like the silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, or punishments that didn’t fit the situation led many of us to internalize the belief that we have to behave a certain way to be loved…to stay safe.
On top of that, how many of us were ever taught to love ourselves outside of what others thought of us? Many of our caregivers may have subconsciously based their affection on the approval of others, signaling that other people’s opinions mattered more than our own self-acceptance. It’s no wonder so many of us end up making decisions in an effort to gain or maintain love and approval from others.
But what if we shifted our perspective? What if we made decisions with the belief that we are already loved—just as we are? As I’ve practiced this shift, I’ve found that my life feels more aligned, more abundant, and far less burdened by resentment. There’s less score-keeping and fear, and more mutual respect and understanding in my relationships.
Here are a few things that have helped me embrace this shift:
Love isn’t something I have to earn. – When I remember that I am a being of love, it reinforces that love isn’t something I need to get from others. I can rest in the knowledge that I’m already enough, that I embody love. From this place of abundance, I can give freely, rather than seeking approval.
Acting from my core values. – When I make decisions that align with my core values, I’m not only honoring myself, but I’m also allowing my actions to flow from a place of self-love. When we interact with the world in this way, we naturally approach others with the same energy.
Noticing my inner critic. – When I notice self-criticism creeping in, I pause and ask, Would I say this to someone I love? If the answer is no, I take a moment to reframe it with more kindness. This helps me step out of the “for love” mindset and into a “from love” space. For example, instead of thinking, I’m not doing enough, I might say, I’m doing what feels aligned with my values and what I have the capacity for in this moment.
Allowing others to feel their feelings. – It’s okay if someone feels disappointed that I can’t meet their request. It doesn’t mean they love me any less and it certainly doesn’t mean I’m not enough. People can hold both disappointment and love at the same time. It’s okay for people to process those feelings without it being a reflection of my worth. I don’t need to manage their emotions for them.
Stop comparing. – Comparison always leads to someone coming up short —whether it’s me or them. When I stop comparing, I can focus on my own path and allow others to walk theirs, trusting that we are all on our own unique journeys.
Be vulnerable. – Vulnerability is key to acting from love. When we are honest about our needs and boundaries with those we trust, we open the door to deeper, more authentic connections. For example, sharing with a close friend that I need some alone time because I’m feeling overwhelmed, even though I’m worried they’ll feel hurt, has helped me honor my needs while deepening our trust.
When we make decisions from love rather than for love, we embrace the truth that we are already worthy and enough. We allow our relationships to grow from a foundation of mutual respect, rather than transactional affection. And from this place of love, we can give more freely, knowing that our worth is not tied to the approval or affection of others.
So, next time you’re faced with a choice, ask yourself: Am I doing this for love, or from love? It’s a simple question, but it can open the door to more authentic and fulfilling connections—both with yourself and with those you care about.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
