Embracing Relationship Anxiety: Why it Doesn’t Always Mean a Bad Fit
Welcome back to this cozy corner of personal exploration! Let’s explore a topic that might feel a bit less cozy but is oh-so-important…
Have you ever found yourself questioning if your partner is truly the right fit? Wondering if your relationship is enough? No matter what stage of the relationship you’re in, maybe you’ve struggled with thoughts of breaking up, feelings of uncertainty, sudden waves of disinterest or even feelings of disgust. These are feelings we often shy away from discussing openly, but guess what? They’re all normal.
We’ve been handed a picture-perfect portrayal of what relationships ‘should’ be like – a constant whirlwind of attraction, unwavering compatibility and certainty. This image has been painted across generations through mass media and a reluctance to vulnerably share. But the truth is, it’s completely normal to have these feelings. And guess what? They don’t automatically signal that it’s time to hit the eject button. Instead, they might be nudging us to explore a little deeper.
For those of us who weren’t modeled healthy relationships growing up, being with someone who is safe, caring, and emotionally available…someone who is willing to do the work and with whom we share relatively similar values, can sometimes trigger an unexpected response. We may catch ourselves pushing them away, feeling like the connection lacks excitement. We might lay awake at night comparing, cataloguing and overanalyzing.
Why would this happen? Shouldn’t we just know if this person is right for us?
As humans, our primary instinct is to protect ourselves. So why would we run from a safe relationship? Often what we’re trying to stay safe from is vulnerability. We question: If this person truly sees us with our flaws and imperfections, how could they possibly love us? They’ll just reject us and leave. These thoughts and fears often linger beneath the surface, influencing our actions and emotions without us even realizing.
But what if we looked at these feelings as messengers rather than conclusions? What if we saw them as signposts pointing to parts of ourselves that need exploring? By working with these aspects of ourselves we’ve often labeled as ‘unlovable,’ instead of pushing our partners away, we open the door to profoundly deeper levels of connection and intimacy.
As we cultivate self-esteem and grant ourselves permission to be truly seen, much of the incessant questioning that occupies our minds begins to dissolve. As we delve into the origins of these protective instincts and learn to recognize the dynamics of a healthy relationship, the more adept we become at navigating their natural ebb and flow. Slowly but surely, we can start untying ourselves from the unrealistic expectations we attached to in our past.
Let’s be clear – this journey isn’t a stroll in the park. It takes effort and time. Yet, in my personal journey, learning to confront and release these anxious thoughts has paved a path that becomes clearer with each step and bit of effort. And let’s face it, this path is infinitely better than the hurt we experience when we find ourselves stuck in a repetitive loop of disconnected relationships or one devoid of true intimacy.
So if you’re feeling unsure about your partner, before you jump ship, can you pause and consider what these feelings of anxiety, boredom, or disgust might be trying to protect you from? More often than not, the answer is far more complex than simply labeling someone as ‘the wrong fit.’
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
Please remember, this post isn’t advocating enduring unhealthy relationships. If you’re facing abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional, this isn’t the path to follow. Prioritize your well-being, seek help, and remember that your safety comes first.
