Embracing Responsibility – From Burden to Freedom and Empowerment
Welcome back, Friends!
Today I want to explore a topic that’s often met with hesitation: responsibility. We frequently see responsibility as a burden or an admission of fault. But what if we reframed it as our ability to respond?
While we may not be at fault for all the circumstances of our lives, we are responsible for them. That doesn’t mean we have the power to control everything that happens to us, but we always have the power to choose how we respond.
Admittedly, embracing this can feel daunting. Yet, shying away from this responsibility means relinquishing our power, something I choose not to do. Empowering ourselves starts with accepting our role in every situation.
Consider when we have a disagreement with a loved one: acknowledging our part isn’t about shouldering all the blame, but recognizing the part we played in the disagreement and our capacity to respond. Often, the roadblock to accepting responsibility stems from battling feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. Believing that accepting responsibility means we’re inherently bad or flawed in some way can push us to deflect these uncomfortable feelings onto others or external factors. While this defence mechanism may bring temporary relief, it ultimately strips us of our power to find solutions, keeping us stuck by rendering us passive and dependent on external changes for our happiness.
Eckhart Tolle offers a profound insight: “If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.”
Owning our responsibility enables us to be active participants in our lives, making choices from a place of empowerment. This skill is nurtured through practices like self-validation, self-esteem, surrender – all of which we’ve explored together. Realizing we can effectively use these tools to shape the life and relationships we desire is both empowering and invigorating.
That’s not to say there isn’t discomfort along the way. A personal reflection: About two years into my intimate relationship, when faced with evolving dynamics that left me feeling disconnected and discouraged, my instinct was to point fingers. I could so easily pinpoint that if only my partner would change certain behaviours, our relationship would be better. With deeper reflection, I realized my desire for them to change was so I would feel better…to ease my discomfort. Acknowledging that all relationships involve imperfect people, I had to take a look in the mirror and ask “How am I co-creating the energy and dynamics in my relationship?” It took a lot of self-compassion to navigate that question, but once I realized my role in the dynamic, I actually felt empowered to explore the narratives and patterns that were coming up for me. This didn’t absolve my partner of their actions but shifted my focus to what I could control: my responses, actions, and the energy I brought to our relationship.
This approach didn’t magically resolve all issues but initiated a positive shift. By focusing on “my side of the street,” I was no longer trying to displace my discomfort onto my partner, and I noticed a decrease in resistance from them, paving the way for us both to make changes. Instead of evading the discomfort of my patterns and narratives and staying stuck in the same cycles, taking responsibility led to growth and change.
So if you’re ready to step into your power, let’s journey together towards cultivating our ability to respond, no matter the circumstances or conditions.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
