Embracing Safety: Why It’s Vital for Our Growth and Relationships

Thank you for joining me today as we dive deeper into this important topic.

When you hear the word “safety,” what comes to mind? Is it primarily about physical safety?

Understanding the importance of safety when it comes to the well-being of children, pets and our physical bodies can seem pretty straight-forward. But what about the safety we feel emotionally, both within ourselves and in our relationships?

Many of us were raised with a clear understanding of physical safety, like looking both ways before crossing the street or not taking candy from strangers. Growing up, I was fortunate to have a physically safe home. My parents did their best with the knowledge and experiences they had, instilling these tried-and-true principles of safety. While these are undoubtedly crucial lessons, how many of us were fortunate enough to also be taught the importance of emotional safety, and feeling safe within ourselves? As adults, how can we learn to provide that for ourselves, especially if we’ve been seeking our sense of security externally until now? And why is emotional safety so vital?

Let’s tackle that last question first. The feeling of safety within ourselves is closely tied to our self-esteem. When we have a firm grasp of our worth and understand that no matter what happens we can trust ourselves, we gain the confidence to ask for what we want, to stand up for ourselves, and to express our truths (respectfully, of course). It’s important to clarify that safety is different from comfort. Emotional safety is crucial for personal growth, whereas becoming stuck in our comfort zone inhibits our development.

This internal sense of safety also promotes introspection. When we know that we are safe and loved even when we falter, we are better able to own the consequences of our actions (both intended and unintended). We can explore the origins of the stories that drive our behaviours. When we’re first starting our personal growth journey, this can be challenging. If you’re like me, having a coach, therapist, or counselor who can create this safe space for us is invaluable until we learn to create it for ourselves.

Of course, this doesn’t imply that we shouldn’t also expect to feel safe in our close relationships.

One common challenge in many romantic relationships is that, if we grew up in an environment lacking emotional safety, compounded by unrealistic and unhealthy depictions of how exciting love ‘should’ feel as perpetuated in mass media, a safe relationship can feel boring. If we raised in a chaotic environment where emotions ran high, if we didn’t feel accepted or attended to, our egos often gravitate toward relationships that recreate those familiar, albeit unhealthy, feelings. Our egos tend to cling to the familiar, even if it’s detrimental. Without learning tools to establish safety within ourselves and our relationships, we end up repeating these patterns time and time again.

So if you’ve found yourself in relationships where the emotional highs feel exhilarating but ultimately leave you feeling insecure, if you’ve ever wondered why that genuinely kind person appears ‘too boring’ to pursue, or if you’re drained from the rollercoaster ride that may have become a pattern in your relationships, let’s focus on embracing safety.

Let’s allow life’s natural ebbs and flows to provide the excitement, and let’s nurture our relationships to be our safe harbours along the ride.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina