Embracing Self-Esteem – Why It Plays Such a Pivotal Role in Our Personal Growth Journey

Hello Friends!

Let’s start with a few questions today – if I were to ask you to describe yourself, what would you say? Do you think you would be able to accurately describe your strengths, and your opportunities for growth? Can you approach this self-reflection with self-compassion?

Why do I ask?

Our journey of personal growth requires us to take a good look in the mirror, not to pick ourselves apart, but to notice. To genuinely see and understand. The more that we are able to do these things, the more we can create a safe space within ourselves to grow. As your coach, I’m here to hold that safe space for you, as you learn to embrace it for yourself. You see, when we peer into the mirror with vulnerability and honesty, we must also believe that having these areas for growth does not make us weak. They do not make us bad or unworthy. Many of us learned to hide these parts of ourselves because somewhere along the way we internalized the message that our appearance, abilities, disposition, and even feelings were not good enough, were inconvenient, or maybe even undesirable.

Sometimes the intentions behind those messages might be virtuous – someone trying to protect us from potential harm because they care. “Oh, I don’t want you to get made fun of so maybe don’t do that in front of others.” Or maybe we heard something like “You’re too sensitive/emotional/shy/quiet/loud/indecisive/difficult.” Regardless of the intentions, the message can be harsh. Especially as children, but even as adults, if we hear this enough, all we hear is that those parts of us are unlovable.

What if we were able to hold those parts of ourselves with the gentle touch we so needed when they first appeared, and embrace them with the love they so desire? What would life look like if we learned to work with the parts of ourselves we were taught to hide from the world, rather than keeping them locked away. How might our world open up?

Building self-esteem can help us do just that, unlocking the door to new experiences and renewed relationships with both ourselves and others. For instance, why do some of us find it challenging to admit when we’ve unintentionally hurt someone? Often, it’s because we associate admitting this with being inherently bad. Our ego fiercely protects us from believing that we are bad, as it threatens our sense of safety and survival, so we struggle to acknowledge that we might have caused hurt. How many of us have attempted to apologize by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way,” subtly shifting the responsibility onto the other person, rather than taking ownership of our actions.

Here's the beauty of a healthy level of self-esteem: we can recognize that our actions may have caused hurt, but that does not define us as fundamentally bad. We can learn to understand and address the impact of our actions while still holding compassion for ourselves. It’s about realizing that we are capable of growth and change, and that making mistakes does not diminish our worth or lovability. In another post, I’ll delve deeper into what makes a meaningful apology, but for now, remember that nurturing our self-esteem empowers us to embrace our imperfections and navigate the complexities of human interactions with grace and understanding.

So, how do we build our self-esteem? There are many tools, but a great place to start it by committing to keeping our word to ourselves through small actions. Choose something manageable, like drinking an extra glass of water each day or reading for 10 minutes, and make a genuine effort to follow through. Remember, perfection is not the goal; none of us are perfect, and putting that pressure on ourselves can be overwhelming. Instead, focus on the consistency of your efforts.

If you happen to miss a day, be gentle with yourself. Avoid judging or criticizing; simply acknowledge it and try again tomorrow. Why is this important? It builds self-trust, which is a fundamental aspect of self-esteem. When we can trust ourselves to follow through on commitments, we begin to develop a stronger belief in our own capabilities and worth. We learn to reassure ourselves that we are not inherently flawed or unworthy, but rather, valuable and deserving of love – every single part of us.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina