Embracing Softening – The Bridge Between Resistance and Release
Welcome back, Friends!
I often share about releasing patterns, beliefs, and behaviours that no longer serve us—those things we’ve outgrown or that hold us back from creating the life we want. But what I don’t always talk about is what comes before release: softening.
When a pattern of mine is brought to my attention, my initial reaction is often resistance—a resistance to acknowledging or accepting any truth in it. That resistance usually carries shame. Maybe it’s a behaviour I struggle to admit I engage in…one I’m quick to notice in others but not in myself. And here’s the thing: how can we release something if we resist even seeing it?
The patterns and beliefs we avoid acknowledging are often the very ones shaping our lives. We may not realize that the choices we make trying to avoid certain feelings or hard truths end up giving them more power. In avoiding, we build a life around resistance instead of one grounded in love and alignment.
So, how do we get from resistance to release? For me, it’s through the practice of softening.
Softening is not about forcing yourself to let go or taking one overwhelming leap forward. Instead, it’s about gently opening up—allowing space for curiosity and compassion to take root. It’s about loosening the grip on the beliefs and behaviours we’ve tied our identity to, recognizing that we are not our thoughts, and trusting that it’s okay for our thoughts and beliefs to evolve.
What does softening look like? It can start with the smallest invitation to reconsider. It might sound like, “What if there’s a thread of truth here?” or, “What if my thoughts and reactions aren’t based on fact or current information?”
If we can open ourselves up to a softening—without force or the expectation of change—that alone can be enough to get the ball rolling. Softening isn’t about assuming we’ll change; it’s about giving ourselves permission to explore. We might realize we still align with a belief or pattern, or we might find that it no longer fits. Either way, softening makes space for possibility.
We often resist softening because it feels vulnerable. Our beliefs and patterns have likely served as protective mechanisms. Letting go of them, or even questioning them, can feel like losing a part of ourselves. It can feel like we’re stepping into the unknown, and our nervous system craves the safety of familiarity—even when that familiarity no longer serves us.
Here are a few gentle reminders and practices that may help you open yourself to softening:
Notice your resistance with compassion: Resistance isn’t bad—it’s often a sign that something important is coming up. Instead of pushing it away, get curious about what it’s trying to protect.
Speak to yourself with kindness: Growth is not about perfection. Offer yourself the same kindness and grace you’d extend to a friend.
Explore your ‘why:’ Ask yourself, “Why am I holding onto this belief or behaviour? What purpose has it served, and is it still serving me now?”
Let go of the need to have all the answers: Softening is about opening a door, not rushing through it. Trust that clarity will come in its own time.
Ground yourself in the present: Use your body as an anchor. Practices like deep breathing, mindful movement, or grounding exercises can help you feel safe as you loosen your grip on old patterns.
Softening is an act of both courage and kindness—an invitation to remind yourself, 'I am safe to explore, to question, and to grow.’ It’s the bridge between resistance and release, a quiet but powerful step toward creating the life you desire.
As you practice softening, remember—it’s a process, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself. Trust the unfolding. And know that each small step you take creates room for something new.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
