Embracing Your Own Holiday Experience – Honouring the Complexities of the Season
Welcome Friends,
The holiday season is upon us and while it’s often portrayed as a time of comfort and joy, for many of us it, can feel quite the opposite. Festive gatherings might instead bring discomfort, sadness, or grief – or maybe you’re navigating a mix of it all.
Whatever emotions this season brings for you, please know you’re not alone in experiencing challenging or conflicting feelings. Some years, I’ve struggled with my own thoughts of not being where I hoped to be in life or faced probing questions from friends and family. Other years, I’ve grappled with finding moments of joy while deeply missing someone I love.
This week, I’m sharing tools and phrases that I’ve found helpful during these times, in the hope they might help you too.
When Questions or Comments Feel Overwhelming:
Gatherings often come with questions about what’s new or exciting, what’s next, or why something didn’t work out—be it a job, relationship, or another “accomplishment.” If those moments feel overwhelming, consider trying one of these responses:
A subtle redirect: “Thank you for your interest in what’s happening in my life. Oh, but tell me about ____.” (Insert something you know they love to talk about.)
A direct boundary: “I’d prefer to talk about something else.”
Take a pause: If you’re feeling triggered and need a moment, it’s okay to say, “I’m going to excuse myself for a moment. I’ll talk to you later.”
Grounding Reminders:
In moments when conversations or interactions feel triggering, these reminders help me stay grounded:
Their projections are about them, not me: Questions and opinions are reflections of someone else’s comfort zone and preferences—they don’t define what’s right for my life. This reminder helps me not take their comments personally, allowing me to refocus on what feels right for me.
Showing up in alignment with my values: Family gatherings often bring up childhood dynamics, but staying rooted in my core values helps me shake off the pressure to conform to others’ expectations of who they think I should be.
It’s okay to be misunderstood: Not everyone will understand my choices or opinions—and that’s okay. Instead of feeling the need to defend myself, I can say, “I understand why you might think that,” and leave it there. This practice helps me hear their perspective without internalizing it as judgement or needing to prove my own.
My worth isn’t tied to others’ opinions: My value isn’t measured by how others perceive my life; it’s based on how I live authentically and in alignment with my truth.
When Grief Comes Home for the Holidays
If this season feels heavy with grief, it’s okay to let the holidays look different this year. Here are some ways to navigate those feelings with compassion:
Acknowledge your feelings: Ignoring grief and powering through often leads to burnout or deeper pain. Allow yourself to feel what’s there without judgment.
Simplify: If your energy feels low, it’s okay to adjust. Maybe this year, you RSVP “no” to events you don’t have the capacity for or let go of hosting responsibilities. Sharing your needs with a trusted person can also help lighten the load.
Take care of your nervous system: Gentle movement, time in nature, adequate rest, and nourishing meals help create balance during emotionally demanding times.
Share your memories: Talking with someone safe about your loved one can be comforting and healing.
It’s okay to feel joy: Feeling guilt for experiencing happiness while grieving is common. Remember, experiencing happiness while grieving doesn’t diminish your love for the person you miss—it’s a reminder that joy and grief can coexist, each honouring the depth of your connection. By letting joy in, you’re creating space for the full spectrum of your emotions, which honours both your love and your healing journey.
The holiday season can bring so many emotions at once, and it’s okay if your experience doesn’t look the way others expect it to. Whether you’re navigating uncomfortable questions, grief, or finding moments of joy amidst it all, know that you’re not alone.
Give yourself the gift of self-compassion this season. Take it one moment at a time, honour what feels right for you, and remember that your emotions are valid. If you’d like more personalized support, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
